One clear indicator of the change was what I wore to the hospital. When my trouble first began, I wore maternity jeans to the ER. That was April 1989. When our Mathew was born on October 30th, wearing sweatpants to go home felt inappropriate to me. Things had changed within and without.
Photo: Douglas Hoover
The library book we wore out was called Amish Society by John A. Hostetler. He gave plenty of cultural information, but the hook for us was the scripture references he gave. We kept putting the book down to pick up our Bibles. What we found was life-changing. The history of the Anabaptist movement and the scriptures that fed it was very convicting for both of us. We began to marvel at the odds of both of us being convicted the same way at the same time. It had to be a God thing. https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/content/amish-society
To leave the Catholic church was not even an option at first. We were not devout but were raised in the mindset taught by most traditional churches, you don’t leave. The more we read, the more we observed of the plain people, the clearer we could feel conviction taking over. Two other books came into play, David Bercot’s Will the Real Heretics Please Stand Up the other was The Martyrs Mirror by Thieleman J. van Braght. These two books also sent us back to our Bibles to reconsider what the Lord was doing in our lives.
We also read The Budget, a national newspaper for the plain community. In my next post, I will relate how we got involved with the Amish because of The Budget. The irony of this is that I ended up writing for them for ten years as a ‘scribe’ for my Amish congregation in Michigan.
If you have an interest in Amish culture, read your Bible, especially Mt. 5-7. That really tells the tale. We joined the New Order Amish of Holmes County, OH in 1991 and they as well as the Michigan Amish Fellowship churches took us in like family (for better or for worse sometimes). We will start that leg of the journey next.
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I will start the new year with a post about the number one FAQ I get: What drew you to join the Amish?
Answer: The Bible
It was 1989, and we had been married for about 5 years.
We attended Catholic mass regularly the way we had been raised. We had three children and number four was on the way. Yet as we sat in church, we both had that same nagging unrest. We both thought it would go away as we matured, but it wasn’t going away. There were some things that did not make sense and we blamed our own limited understanding for it.
Then it dawned on us that God had given us three children to parent, He would not leave us unequipped. So we started reading the Bible consistently. We both felt the Bible was the inerrant word of God and did read it sporadically. Then circumstances changed it, my pregnancy became complicated and I was sent to the couch for the duration. The baby was due in October and it was only April. I had a lot of time.
We were ‘down to earth’ type people, even called urban hippies endearingly. We gardened, canned, baked our own bread, took the children to watch a blacksmith work, a glass blower blow, a spinner spin, that type. Our parents taught us how to work and were examples of the result, they were self-made success stories. We were both educated and articulate, and generally gentle souls.
We were frequent attendees of the Geauga County Action in Ohio and would see plain people there. The local library was also one of our hangouts. The combination of the of these things brought us to a place and time when the Lord renewed our minds and the scriptures were able to take root in our hearts.
Tune in tomorrow for more. You can get notices of my posting if you ‘subscribe’. I also hope to see comments so I know what readers are interested in. Blessings!
The other day I had a great blast from the past. I came across the video for “We Are The World” by the For Africa USA chorus made up of celebrity voices of the 70’s and 80’s. It was very uplifting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfSYARbyVqA
Looking back is not always a bad thing, there are good memories and events that remind us of how far the Lord has brought us. I am posting my devotionals from some of those tough old days. The were originally posted for Rest Ministries, a website serving those living with substantial chronic pain and illness.
Today I want to post the story of my pain journey since 1996, then over the next few weeks I will post the devotionals.
I will try to briefly describe my medical journey with chronic pain and illness for the past 25 years. Things are going so well for me now (5/18) that most people would never guess that my body is not normal. My disease will be part of my life always unless the Lord has a new plan. Pain is a 24/7 deal for me. I live with at least level 3 pain (1-10 scale) daily, and it goes up to 5 once or twice a week. It can get to 7 or 8, but not often anymore. The pain scale goes from 0 as no pain to 10 as the worst imaginable. I have given birth naturally seven times, so I consider number 10 to be the final two minutes of delivery.
It began in 1996, I was 34. I was very suddenly getting a fever and weakness doing tasks that I had been doing for years. After six months of natural remedies and doctoring, some “pre-cancerous” cells were found in my cervix. Three weeks later they were mutating and multiplying at a very unusual and fast pace. A total hysterectomy was done in March of ’96 and my life forever changed. I was anointed prior to the surgery, so I was able to take the ensuing chaos as God’s permissive will. The surgery was quite complicated, I had varicose veins in my pelvis that were engorged and massive. When they exposed them in surgery they began to burst open. It was a mess and took three surgeons working for 6 hours to get the bleeding stopped. I can’t remember the exact number of stitches anymore, but it was between 50 and 80. I also had three types of infections afterwards and post-surgical shock. The cancer was the type that is fed by pregnancy hormones so I would not have escaped it had I gotten pregnant. But, the real game changer was a nasty disease that was sleeping inside me and was woken up into a monster. The threat of cancer was removed but IC took over.
Interstitial Cystitis (IC), is not the same as a bladder infection or a UTI. I remember having IC symptoms when I was 14 or 15 years old, but thought it was my imagination. Back then it was not even recognized by most doctors. For me it felt like I was having monthly cramps at all times of the month. I also had UTI symptoms that would come and go, I remember not telling my Mom because if I could wait it out a day or two it would go away. UTI’s don’t just go away.
Most people have a lining in the bladder that protects it, people with IC have thinner linings or gaps in it. The bladder wall gets ulcerated in 10% of the cases. This starts painful spasms and hot, salty , toxic urine on the sores makes all kinds of misery. For me it feels like hot shards of broken glass are being stirred around in my pelvis while someone with iron boots is stepping on me from the outside. Pelvic surgery ALWAYS makes IC ‘flare’. We didn’t know I had it, and the surgery had to be done even if we did know. The beating my bladder probably took while the surgeons were trying to stop the bleeding put me in a permanent ‘flare’, but we didn’t figure that out for an entire year after the surgery. In 1997 a scope of my bladder showed not just gaps in the lining of my bladder, I had no lining at all! And the surface of the bladder wall looked like raw ground meat (it should look pink like the inside of your cheek) and was over 66% ulcerated. The cause of IC is not known, nor is there a cure. So, I underwent dozens of procedures, treatments, and medications, but was in severe pain and disabled for the next five years. For about 9 months I had to use a wheelchair because walking started the spasms (7-8 on the pain scale). The spiritual benefits of this time period would take too long to describe here, but it was an amazing growth spurt. After a surgery to repair 1/3 of my bladder wall with a laser, in 2001 I could do light housework again. I then started wearing a fentanyl pain patch, a narcotic that is pretty strong. I also started swimming and found it helped my pain and function dramatically. My pain averaged 4-5 and I learned how to work with the pain. Diet changes helped some.
IC is not caused by stress, but stress will definitely and proportionately make it worse. And I had severe stress, some from being ill, but also from strife at home and in the church. My pain and functioning level went up and down because of this.
In early 2007, a tumor was found in my stomach. That surgery went very well and the tumor was benign, but again, I left the OR with an unwanted ‘souvenir’. The scar left behind caused a valve to get stuck open at times (post-gastrectomy dumping syndrome) and undigested food and raw stomach acid poured through me. So, then my stomach and intestines were also ulcerated. Then the stress at home and in church exploded into a crisis beyond description. Since then my family has been fractured and hurting and the distress of all that just complicated both conditions. More meds, and now IV treatments were added to my long list. More infections and more medical bills. More grace upon grace was given to me. Life was very unpleasant.
Some of the turmoil and distress improved and I was able to build a support system and get consistent medical care after moving to PA in 2012. I work over 40 hours a week and no longer use the pain patch. My pain is still very much there, but it no longer stops me like it used to. I must be very careful about my health as either condition can flare up without much warning or reason. I am so grateful to God for the journey. Had He not walked with me so lovingly and completely during my physical pain battles, I could not have survived the emotional pain and deep sorrows that my family crisis brought. So, if I seem weak, you know why. And if I seem strong anyhow, now you know why. BECAUSE HE LIVES, I CAN FACE TOMORROW.
“I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from Your commands. I have hidden Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against You.” (Psalm 119:10, 11)
It feels like a full-time job keeping up with all the paperwork involved with chronic illness. It would be a dream come true to have case workers to walk us through the insurance obstacles and disability rig-a-marole. Our mind is already addled some just coping with pain, then we have to have the business savvy of Wall Street to get proper treatment? It doesn’t seem fair.
We have to keep notebooks and calendars and place countless phone calls. So much effort put forth when we have such limited energies. It can leave us with a very sour taste for the medical system. How can we get through this maze and still resemble Christ?
Consider my friend Susan, a lady with severe pain and limitations. Financially destitute, she has gone off of her pain medication because she can not afford it. Her chief coping mechanism is printing out and decorating scripture verses to send out to others. While she is encouraging others, she is also filling her days and her mind with the Word. She has become something of a human concordance over the years.
Immersing ourselves in scriptures cannot replace medication, and I still can’t figure our how Susan gets by. I do know, however, that she has used her energies for a more godly pursuit. Surely, it helps offset the frustrations of her situation. And the eternal impact of her ‘pass time’ surely makes it easier to cope with the earthly hassles she faces. It’s no cure, but the retirement plan is out of this world!
She is such a wise investor! The amount of stress, paperwork, and follow up involved in chronic illness takes executive effort, even with insurance or disability.
It is a marvel to me that our spiritual welfare is quite the opposite. Today’s verse empowers us. Dwelling in His Word, we need not worry or fret. He keeps us better than any insurance coverage ever could.
The Bible is full of promises for those who keep His Word and seek Him with a whole heart.
If you are seeking the truth and want to see Amish reality, put down the remote control and open your Bible. Most any Amishmen will tell you that Jesus is the way the TRUTH and the life. As with all denominations, there are various ways of living out one’s faith. I do believe it is safe to say that all Amish and Mennonite folks will agree with the article printed in today’s local paper.
This was tactfully put and factual. Peace in Amish country comes from living in intimate personal harmony with God. There is Someone who protects and looks out for the Amish, the same One that keeps every other surrendered Christian heart at peace. Farming with horses is great, especially when raising children, that’s the lifestyle. An Amish draft or buggy horse is no holier than a Toyota.
It was only a couple years ago that I was behind that bonnet, and wearing a shawl. I have lived in both Holmes and Lancaster County and I can verify what all the other ‘local sources’ have said in this article.
“Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage – with great patience and careful instruction. “ (2 Timothy4:2)
“Praising my Savior, all the day long. . . ” I sang. It was easy today. The nausea was gone, and for the third day in a row, I felt a freedom to push forward without the ‘ugh’ of a leaden GI tract weighing me down. Many other conditions remained.
My fingers still white and numb, a bathroom incident already, and my ‘everyday’ pain had not miraculously disappeared. Those were not so bothersome today because the headache and nausea were gone. I had discontinued a new medication and now these side effects had faded. It was a day of possibilities ahead of me and that was exciting.
Why is it that we can be so quick to praise in good times? I thought. Then I realized that my chronic pain and illness journey has come to the point in which great and serious pain and suffering also deliver me to the altar of praise immediately. That, of course by an act of grace.
Then today’s key verse came to mind. What about the in-between times? A common stomping ground for this journey. That was where I was drawn to look at myself by the still small voice in my heart. I realized He is calling me to sharpen this up now that He has walked me through the two extremes.
So much of our chronic pain and illness journey lies in the day-to-day between times. Our every day is sometimes worse than what our peers would consider a bad day. Where am I with that? Do I praise Him as much in my ‘status quo’ times or does it take a medication snafu or crisis to break me out of it?
BRILLIANT OBSERVATION #363: BLESSED ARE THE PREACHERS AND TEACHERS WHO KEEP A CHILDS PERSPECTIVE IN MIND.
A local congregation gathered for an evening service tonight. After a couple of hymns, the children were called forward for a children’s lesson. The brother that was teaching them instructed them to all sit on the floor instead of along the first pew. He then sat on a step, just high enough that we adults could see his head. He had bent the microphone down and over so we could all hear him. He prepared an interactive lesson about nature and God’s amazing creation and wisdom. The children were passing objects back and forth, feeling items, dunking some in water, shaking others. We adults got the gist of the lesson, but not some of the details. But we watched and tried to pay attention. Well.., my mind did wonder a bit. But it was a fruitful path I went off on.
How often during church services is it like this for the children? They hear the preacher but can’t see much from where they sit. They try to be good and pay attention, but they are missing some details that are keeping the adults engaged. All they see is the back of the pew in front of them. I have always appreciated ministers who relate to the children in their sermons and try to put the message into an example they can relate to. The really wise ones even time it at the right point before the heavy fidgeting starts.
So, it ended up as a double object lesson. It was a good reminder for me to remember their perspective more often, it’s an amazing view after all. When the lesson was finished, the children returned to their parents with huge grins on their faces; they clearly enjoyed it and learned. I felt like clapping when it was done, must have been the child in me.
I call myself a recovering jerk- so here is Jerk Rehab 101:
Brilliant Observation #364: We are all jerks, it’s just that Christians admit it and look forward to the full cure. So, I think of myself and my friends as jerks, saved by grace.
My name is Elizabeth and I’m a jerk (‘hi, Elizabeth’). I admit I am powerless to overcome my jerky condition and rely on THE HIGHEST POWER to survive my inborn habit. I make frequent personal inventories and report the results to the only One who can do anything about it besides me. I have Someone to be accountable to, Someone I trust to love be enough to not let me off the hook too easily. I also reach outward to other jerks still in the throes of their affliction, to keep me less self-occupied.
Now, lest you think I am overly down on myself, that’s not the motive. I don’t think that I am less than the reader, nor better, we are all in the same boat. I take a rather anti-humanist approach. I’m not overly impressed with any of us in our original human condition. But I still long to encourage people as we stumble along life’s way, wishing we could make sense of it all.
Surely, by now you have gathered that I often write in a tongue in cheek fashion, which is appealing to some and therapeutic for me. Humor was a survival technique in my family of origin, especially if you were a carnal slave to attention as I was. It became second nature to see humor everywhere and third nature to insert a smart-aleck comment when it was least expected. Are you daring to wonder what the first nature is? I believe it is to reflect God’s glory. That’s what we are created for. Unfortunately, our second nature is actually sin. Then the other stuff falls in. Just wanted to clear that up for y’all.
Here is a list of my hashtags #encouragement#christianlife#amishconvert#ex-amish#specialneedsministry#writer#raisingsevenchildren#churchcrisises#overcomingabuse#oldladygoesbacktoschool#counselingissues#caregiver#advocate#homesteader#chronicpainandillnessthriver#mentor#mother#rejected#
I look forward to feedback on this, so I can get a feel for the direction to go from here. Hang in there my friends, we are all in this together, be faithful, be holy, be blessed! EV
