What became of that Mamma V lady that used to blog?
I recently reconnected with an acquaintance from days gone by, we have writing as a common interest. I was gob-smacked to realize I have not posted since the twins were born. The girls are now 17 months old and developing well. They have had their share of childhood maladies but have come through each one well, by God’s grace.
Another personal update: I am back to school and happily invested in my internship. After a break in my Master of Social Work studies to process my husband’s death and covid in general, I’m back at the books. My alma mater, Lancaster Bible College has started an MSW program and I am thrilled to return there for my studies. I can not recommend it highly enough.
I will complete two internships or field projects. My current one is through HVMI aka HandiVangelism or HandiCamp. I have worked at camps and Bible clubs with this awesome ministry and they are now hosting my project titled Building Successful Support Networks.
I am including a description of the project here and would like the questionnaire distributed widely, so please copy and share. The more input I get, the more useful the summary writing will be for everyone.
In my dictionary, there are seven definitions for the word. Likewise, it means different things to different people. One of the foremost reasons for a support team is to create clear communication during a difficult situation. A good start would be for all involved to define what the word support means to them and what it means in their particular situation. These ideas need to be brought into agreement.
I have seen well-meaning support teams make a situation worse, I have seen well-functioning support teams have an individual walk away from them, the church and even from a godly lifestyle. An important factor for all to keep in mind is that the situation that has called for a team is likely an unsolved puzzle. In fact, it is like a puzzle one gets at a second-hand store or garage sale, you are never quite sure all the pieces are actually in the box (even if it says so on the tag). And like a puzzle, there are times when we think a piece fits someplace, only to find we are mistaken when we find the correct piece or place. And then to add to the challenge, you have several different people viewing the picture from differing angles. Sometimes that means they see something helpful, sometimes it means they are seeing amiss because of their current perspective.
So how can we build teams that are upbuilding and retain the
dignity of those involved? Our churches have a level of accountability that is
part of our community. The world admires the plain people for our sense of
community and mutual aid, and it is a precious part of our heritage we do well
to maintain. However, there are few outside our culture that will tolerate the transparency
and accountability that is required for this type of community.
If the Apostle Paul had to die to self daily (1 Co. 15:31)
then how much more do we need to? And giving up for the good of those around us
is a supernatural even that overrides a very natural self-involvement.
And then discernment comes in, how much of me do I give up
for another? How much of my uniqueness does the Lord want me to use for the benefit
of His church and for His glory?
So, I am throwing out these thoughts to my readers, I would like to gather some input on what support team experience and observation you have had. In the book Holding Out Hope by Byler, Stauffer, and Byler there is a chapter on support teams that gives the input gained at Green Pasture and Philhaven. I would like to do supplemental writing on the topic for our churches and need the views of those who have been involved in support teams in any capacity. I am particularly burdened for those living with mental illness.
I am asking for some input and discussion here. I need help understanding a double standard that I see in the church. I admit that I do tend to side with the underdog in many issues. But in the context of “What would Jesus do?” , I offer these vignettes to my readers. Something is not adding up and I am trying to figure it out.
Allen is sixteen-years-old, his twin brother Aaron is in the 10th grade and plays trombone in the high school band. Allen goes instead to a day program where his autism is better understood and accommodated for. His frequent seizures and vocal outbursts make a traditional classroom a poor option. He has sensory issues that complicate things when he is in a group setting. Even at church he has a special ‘chill spot’ to go to and unwind if he gets overstimulated. His crossed eyes and stiff movements make it more obvious that he has some special needs. His brain clearly functions differently than Aaron’s. To expect Allen to play the trombone like his brother seems unrealistic.
Cassie is in the hospital again, the voices told her to plant cans of soup in the garden. She was certain it was what she was supposed to do. She had to hide them from her brother-in-law Sam, because she knew he was watching her every move again. Living next door to your younger sister can be a pain- they are always watching and whispering. And now Cassie’s sister comes along and says she has to go to the hospital. Cassie wonders why she has to listen to her 22-year-old sister anyhow! Cassie is 26 and does not need a boss! So, Cassie ran down the street to get away from Sam and Esta when they wanted to take her to the hospital. Then that car almost hit her when she ran through the store parking lot; so people called the police. It just isn’t fair.
Five brains, two of which are not functioning in the usual way. Most people in plain churches would find it inappropriate to hold Allen accountable for his seizures and vocal outbursts. His brain is clearly working on a completely different level. But some would think that Cassie needs to show more submission to her brother in law and to take her medication faithfully. When she fails in these areas the church withholds communion from her. This only feeds into her belief that people are watching her constantly and whispering strange things. And in reality, some probably really are, so how is she to distinguish which voices are real and which are not?
Why do Christians shoot their wounded? Why is one brain malfunction treated more respectfully than another? Please comment!
Last evening I was not able to blog because I was away with one of my residents, Brother Larry. He gave his testimony to a youth group, as is his calling, about living with quadriplegia for 48 years and how the Lord has used it for good. The title of his program is Choices Have Consequences.
Larry reads his Bible by the hour not by the chapter. A Challenge that is good for me when I get apathetic about the power of personal devotions.
Larry is the second-longest living quadriplegic as far as we know, Joni Eareckson Tada being the longest at 52 years. Both have used their circumstances for God’s kingdom, coincidence or providence? Not even Superman (Christopher Reeves) with all his money, fame, and connections could pull such a thing off. Mr. Reeves focused on finding a cure for spinal cord injury and tried to keep himself physically ready for the day when his could be repaired. He passed away in 2004 of sepsis, a total system infection and shut down. Larry and Joni took another route- they both chose to use their wheelchairs as chariots of glory to God (I can’t resist this one… ‘Chariots Afire’). Larry’s disability is the result of a traumatic brain injury from oxygen loss when he ran his car into a tree at age 17. So his speech and limitations are more like that of Cerebral Palsey. But it doesn’t slow him down much. He wants young people to see that they are not free from consequences and can choose their destiny by how they live presently.
Larry gives his presentation to youth groups, churches, rehab groups and anywhere he can in our area of PA. If you would like to have him you can email him at lrdeck@gmail.com. If you want to know about Joni’s journey and ministry then check out https://www.joniandfriends.org/.
It has been an honor and a privilege to serve next to these soldiers of Christ. How blessed can I be? I get to wash Jesus’s feet every day!
Brilliant observation # 267: THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO USE AN EXCUSE- AS A STOP SIGN OR AS FUEL TO OVERCOME A CHALLENGE.
Most of us are harnessed with an excuse of some sort. The problem starts when that obstacle is declared unsurmountable or off limits to change. I speak as an expert in the area, excuses where my fence of safety for more than half my life. And I still have to consciously battle it. If I thought that this was unique or unusual, I wouldn’t bother writing about it. This is a very common condition, a symptom of our sinful, carnal nature. I come across it most frequently in myself, but see it in other people too.
People tend to seek me out for empathy when life gets messy and bewildering. Likely because I have a bit of a reputation for having been through the proverbial wringer a time or two. With my history of being a medical train wreck, a cultural switch hitter, a shattered dream survivor, a special needs advocate, and a vessel of amazing grace, I do attract needy people.
I have learned that there are people with problems and there are problem people. My husband used to call me a ‘freak magnet’ because all kinds of strays seemed to show up everywhere I went. I took it as a compliment; Jesus was a freak magnet too, so there has to be some good in it. Although mine would be more of a case in which birds of a feather flock together. Either way, I often meet up with folks that have a long list of why they are stuck in a hopeless situation.
An example is when someone wants to become a writer and the answer is: write and don’t quit. If you keep at it, you will eventually improve but if you give up, you face a 100% chance of failure. It sounds basic but it is true. Those who give up when they face an obstacle are the ones who view them as a dead-end instead of a launching pad for a new direction.
What I have noticed about the successful individuals I know of is that they plowed past their inner excuses. Instead of being defined by their problem or obstacle, the pushed through and became part of the solution.
Shortly after I was born again, I took on the no excuses policy and plunged into Matthew5-7. That is when I finally started to make some progress in my spiritual life. If you are wondering how it finally turned out, you will have to ask around at my funeral because I’m still being worked on by the Great Redeemer.
This is a devotional written for Rest Ministries a couple of years ago. The used to have a web site and magazine for people living with chronic pain and illness. They have changed over to a Facebook group now. I really enjoyed writing for them.
Can a simple typo change your average message into something eternal? It sure can!
“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.” (Psalm 119:50)
It was a typo; I was texting my son and missed a key. As I looked at the greeting, it took on extra meaning.
I woke up that morning with level 8 pain, unusual for me these days. My general pain level was under control, 3 or 4 unless I overdid it. This was what I called a freight train morning, slammed head-on right off the bat with pain. Now my typo makes me reconsider the phrase–” it is still a God morning.”
He is still here, He is still on the throne, and He has proved to me many a time that He is ready, able, and willing to walk me through a high pain day.
My perspective changed instantly. Now I feel as if the day will be somehow consecrated and holy. It feels like a day of privilege in the school of my Master. In spite of my pain, I intend to study my Savior’s face, review and drill in His word.
It may not be a day of high productivity, but it has now definitely become. . . a God morning! A God day!
Prayer: Lord, You have set me to task. I ask for Your grace to diligently seek You today. Help me to avoid labeling this as a bad or lost day. Rather, help me to flourish and bloom in knowledge of You. Draw me ever nearer Thee, Dear Savior. Amen.
Brother Larry is a man living with quadriplegia and lives in the group home I manage. He has been in a wheelchair since he was 17 years old, he is now 64. Only Joni has a longer record than Larry. The other day he said more in three words than some pastors get done in a whole sermon. Larry’s speech is limited by damage done from the trach he had after his accident. His injury left his body with damage very similar to Cerebral Palsy, so he can be hard to understand. But this message was crystal clear.
Larry Deck full of joy in Christ with his good friend Jonathon
After supper each night we have a time of group devotions. One evening the topic was about being weary of our trials and earthly situations. One resident commented on how weary she was of her suffering and how she thought so much of Heaven. Another resident commented that surely Larry gets weary at times, knowing he has been dependent on others for everything for the past 47 years. It was Larry’s reply that sent everyone to thinking, mostly because we all know it is so true. He said:
